Scrumptious, ambrosial cuisine, a spell-bounding novel, our beloved pets, festooning our homes to be cozy, beautiful and treasured havens of respite, fabulous movies, a fine wine, a restorative escape to your favorite spot or playing creative games with loved ones, all bring forth beauty and winsome joy to our lives. But, how about LOVE? Love brings blithe, buoyancy, cheer, gladness, vivaciousness, fulfillment and mirth to our lives in a way nothing else can.
There are of course different types of love. Passionate love, physical, emotional, spiritual, companionship, friendships as well as the love we possess for our family and pets. There is also a love for the things we have acquired in life, our homes, jobs, developed, God given talents as well as a love and adoration for the things we so enjoy doing, camping, matinee movies, shopping, museums, cruising on the white sandy dunes, hiking, cooking, decorating or reading your favorite author’s engaging novella’s.
I think there are more movies, sonnets, poems, songs and books written on this all- encompassing word ‘love,’ than any other subject in the world. It most definitely is the most powerful word, and it is said, (from a tried and true,very trusted resource, 🙂 ) that it alone, covers a multitude of sins. It truly is a gift from above…There is nothing else that can be likened to love. We are born into this world with a ‘need’ for it and we still get that warm fuzzy feeling, deep inside when someone tells us; “I love you,” up until the day we leave this world. I suppose a writer could write book after book on this magnificent subject of love, and still not begin to put a dent in covering its magnitude. 🙂
Why is the word ‘Love’ so intimidating and threatening? Do you remember your Jr. High school days when you’d get a crush on that special someone? It was bliss when you “heard it through the grapevine,” that they too, ‘liked’ you…Everybody ‘liked’ each other… and we went steady with our treasured saint Christopher’s proudly worn around our necks, but when asked, if we were “together,” we would always say “Yes, we really LIKE each other.” 🙂 As we get older, and we are ‘pretty sure’ we have found that right someone…it feels like your pulling teeth to FINALLY get up the courage to come out and say; “I have fallen in LOVE with you.” It’s okay to safely think it within our hearts, but to come out and say it, is frightening.I laugh when I think of Kits and my beginning…we met at a fine dining restaurant on the water in Dana Point Harbor, CA. In working there together, we began dating, but only as friends… For six months this very handsome and special man brought me roses, took me to wondrous eateries, wrote me Hallmark cards with sentiments that melted my heart, (I still have those cards to this day,) 🙂 took me for dreamy, moonlit strolls around the harbor and he even kidnapped me one day from work and took me to Palms springs for Valentines day! (So Romantic!) He fixed me the most exquisite cuisine, (he was and still is an excellent cook,) took my mom, sister and I out for brunch every Sunday after church and yet we were ‘just friends.’ (Best-friends at that…) I knew he loved me, but I felt safer saying “like.” 🙂 ( I think that was the fearful ‘little girl’ in me.) 🙂 But there came a day I will never forget…all the other available young ladies at work, (watching kit and I on the side,) came to me one day and said; “Susan, whats the skinny on you and Kit? Are you an item? Is it Serious? He is such a great guy and a real catch.” I replied with a little bit, (OK, a lot) of anxious butterflies fluttering within my stomach, as I could see where their questions were going...”No, we’re just good friends.” My fears were confirmed when they all replied; “Well that’s great news because it means that he is fair game for all of us.” Don’t you know I went home and did some serious thinking... 🙂 Soon after, we acknowledged, (OK, I acknowledged,) 🙂 our love and I couldn’t wait to tell all the girls that we were getting married. 🙂 Why are we so leery about saying that word to someone when all of our thoughts and actions are shouting out “I love you” so loudly, that it echos in every part of our life. 🙂
I had never heard that we all possess a certain, (and some of us more than one,) love language, until later in my life. You can no more change the color of your eyes,(well,cosmetically you can,) than you can change the love language that is within your heart. When you discover YOUR LOVE LANGUAGE, you will learn so much about yourself … how you personally ‘give’ love and ‘receive’ love. After you get your self all summed up, find out your mates, siblings, friends and yes, even your pets love language, so you can understand how they are showing you love, (even if you can’t feel it,) and how they receive love...perhaps the way we are showing our love is not their love language, thus, they are not FEELING fulfilled by our actions like we believe they are. Really, this is not confusing at all… Its a wonderful and life changing book I have from the notable author, Gary Chapman. Its called The Five languages of love and the wonderful gems of truth and life-changing knowledge this author shares, are what this vignette is all about… (Don’t worry, it won’t be as long as the book…just a short synopsis.) 🙂
Before we look at the Five languages of love and what they entail, I have a few beautiful, keepsake quotes on this ever popular, powerful and all-encompassing word, LOVE, I’d like to share.
“Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problems of human existence.” ~ Eric Fromm
“Love has no desire but to fulfill itself ~ To melt and be like a running brook that sings it’s melody to the night. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving.” ~ Kahil Gibran
“For you see, each day I love you more today than yesterday and less than tomorrow.” ~ Rosemonde Gerard
“Love one another and you will be happy. Its as simple and difficult as that.” ~ Michael Leuing
“Love is, above all, the gift of ones self.” ~ Jean Anouilh
“Love cures people – both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it.” ~ Karl Menninger
“Love is like the dew that falls on both nettles and lilies.” ~ Swedish Prover
You will find as I introduce each love language, that you may give your love with one language and receive with another. You may embody two or three of these love languages and not just have one language. (You can be bi-lingual in your languages of love.) 🙂
“TOUCH HAS A MEMORY.” ~ JOHN KEATS…
The first love language I want to introduce is “Physical touch.” If this is your love language, you personally feel very LOVED and nurtured when a person you love touches you in some way. A big bear hug from a dear friend, a consoling hug from your mate when feeling down, a good morning kiss, a neck massage when tense, holding hands, body massages and being held. ( You most likely love to hold little babies and can’t get enough hugs and kisses from your dog or cat.) ( Don’t laugh, but my mom loved to have her feet tickled, and guess who she always asked to do it? 🙂 I think that the majority of us enjoy physical touch and it is always endearing from a loved one, when respectfully shown, but it doesn’t necessarily make us all feel LOVED.
Perhaps you do not receive love through physical touch but you show your love that way…You would be a person who is always hugging, touching someones arm as you are talking, pursuing holding hands with your mate, picking up the little ones to bring them comfort, adore spooning with your mate in bed as you fall asleep at night, wrap your arm around your friend as you are shopping at the mall, or greet all your loved ones with a big kiss on the cheek! This is one of my husbands love languages and for him, it is both the way he receives love and gives it. Knowing this, I understand him so much better and can see when he is showing me love (his way.) It also educates me and has caused me to show him my love for him through ‘physical touch.’ It was a happy day to discover this about him after reading this book and talking with him to discover his love language… (Though I would have guessed it immediately from all of our years of marriage.) 🙂 It means everything to a person to receive love the way their heart desires to be shown love.
Do you remember your wedding ceremony and the honeymoon days that followed? There was hardly a time we weren’t touching, holding hands, hugging and kissing…our lives were so full of pure delight and glorious felicity. 🙂
There is nothing like the touch of our fathers hand in ours, especially after a treasured day together.
Physical touch as an expression of love is not just for humans…its also for the birds! (no pun intended.) 🙂 All human life seems to derive so much from touch!
As babies, we can’t be touched enough…it’s our comfort, assurance and way we receive nurturing and love. For us big guys… (adults,) a babies touch is like nothing else… they give us love without even trying! 🙂
“THERE IS NO EXERCISE BETTER FOR THE HEART THAN REACHING DOWN AND LIFTING PEOPLE UP.” ~ JOHN HOLMES
Love Language number two… Words of Affirmation.
This love language seems to be one of the most popular... If you feel loved when someone SPEAKS words of edification such as; ” you are pretty, handsome, smart, creative, admired, doing a great job, are kind and loving, a best friend, have lost weight or gained, (which ever needed,) 🙂 you’re appreciated, your a person of integrity and great faith, a fabulous cook, “I love you,” or that you have accomplished much in your life, then this is your love language and definitely how you RECEIVE Love. Again, everyone enjoys hearing a compliment or kind word, but it does not make them feel LOVED like it does someone with this love language.
You may not receive love through this language, but it could be your way of showing others you love them. Do you find yourself continually giving compliments, uplifting your spouse, children and friends with your words of encouragement and love? Do you enjoy telling the check out lady at the grocery store how pretty she looks that day or e-mailing a friend who is a bit down and spend time trying to cheer them up? Are you one to be the listener in a group and find yourself asking a lot of questions to get people to ‘talk about themselves?’ If so, this could be the language you use to show others your LOVE.
In our marriage this language has been a wonderful blessing as both Kit and I receive and show love with this language . (We are forever building up one another with words of edification , encouragement and love and it is undoubtedly a huge blessing and fulfills our “love tanks.” 🙂
“BECAUSE BUSINESS LIFE IS SO BUSY, MY HOME IS REALLY MY SANCTUARY. THAT IS WHERE I REFLECT AND SPEND QUALITY TIME WITH MY GIRLS.” ~ RACHEL RAY
Love Language number three…Quality Time.
This love language, especially in the the 21st century, is a very difficult love language to own and express, as “our time” is so full, busy and we are beyond exhausted at the end of each day… Because it is so rare to have free time, what better gift to give, than “your undivided and wholehearted time” to the ones you love? If this love language is the way you show your love to others, you are undoubtedly a planner…always planing dates with special friends, organizing dinners for the family gatherings, taking refreshments to your children’s soccer games, meeting your spouse for a cup of coffee at Starbucks where there are no phones ringing, TV’s playing, and the two of you can sit, with ‘uninterrupted time,’ to just say “Hi honey, HOW ARE YOU DOING?” 🙂 When you are with your mate, a friend or family member, ‘you are REALLY there,’101%… they are your priority for the time you are giving.
If Quality time is not the way you show your love, but receive love from others, you probably feel ‘love staved’ at times, 🙂 (because of how busy life is these days.) Your love tank is filled when a friend calls and you have over an hour to catch up with “real talk,” you love it when your mate , with no other distractions , looks at you and wants to hear about your day. Your on cloud nine when you go on vacation and see the family and get a full day with each of your siblings…talking, laughing, sharing and being intimate. Quality time is intimacy to you and there is nothing like it to make you feel loved and cherished. You are probably not one for surface talk and half-hearted relationships as they just do not feel REAL… Quality time is my love language, both in the way I show love and receive it. It is not an easy love language … and I am learning to receive love from the way others show there love, if it is not quality time, or words of affirmation, (my other love language.) I keep reminding myself, it truly is not personal. I am thankful for these love languages and I would not change this part of me for anything! 🙂
Whether at Starbucks, or in your home when all the kids are gone, share that intimate, steal-away moment of time over a delicious cup of coffee…really listening! There is nothing quite like an afternoon in the park together…pack a picnic lunch, your favorite foods, a cozy blanket and just “TALK,” (sharing in the beauty of nature, the birds singing, fresh air and a gorgeous sunny day!
“Q” time with the girls is certainly a way to feel loved and cherished and show love…no matter how old we are! 🙂
Going to an exhilarating celebrity concert together, or a symphony under the stars in New York City’s renowned Central Park, getting out with your mate or friends is a wonderful way to spend quality time together. (Can you guess which concert Kit would choose and which is my pick?)
Lets see….Bruce Hornsby or Usher…hmm! My choice would have to be the performer ‘s G-rated songs , so that should give you a hint! 🙂 Both exceptional artists, (and would be a great outing for quality time together with your mate or friends.)
Do you remember as little kids, hanging out at the beach with your older brother? Now that was quality time! Finding enchanting starfish, poking the sea anemones with long twigs as we were so afraid if we used our fingers, they’d eat them up, 🙂 getting sun burnt, running as far away as we could from the jellyfish a drifted on shore, joyfully wading in the oceans waves, listening for the sound of the mysterious sea in the conk shells…peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and walking hand and hand…There was always time for each other! 🙂
I know that our Grantham’s love language is Quality time…He shows his love as well as receives love this way…) amongst all the four other love languages.) 🙂 Quality time with your pet is what they desire the most, except maybe that steak bone or some fresh grilled salmon! 🙂 A day at the Grand canyon together…now that was hours of blissful “Q” time…what a great memory for Kit and I.
“HAPPINESS DOESN’T RESULT FROM WHAT WE GET, BUT FROM WHAT WE GIVE.” ~ BEN CARSON
Love language number 4 ~ GIFT GIVING!
I personally have a few friends that I have known since childhood, who own this love language and shared with me that, “If you take my ability to give gifts away, I would not feel like I was expressing my love for others.” WOW! I think everyone enjoys giving gifts and receiving them, but if this is your love language, it carries with it much more meaning within your heart. If you love shopping for others, picking out ‘just the right’ gift for their home or a hobby they enjoy, or perhaps if you are gifted with creativity, you enjoying making personalized and cherished homemade gifts for others, planning birthday luncheons for your girlfriends, taking your buddy’s out for a beer, baking an ambrosial cake for your neighbors or your favorite doctor and his office staff, taking friends out to brunch or you enjoy bestowing tokens of love at every celebration, this is undeniably your way of showing love and “gift giving” is your love language.
If you FEEL loved when you receive a gift from someone, then this also is your love language, as it is how you personally receive love. You probably can hardly wait for your birthday when friends and family celebrate your special day with handpicked gifts that they know you will adore. You enjoy and feel loved, being taken out to dinner, receiving surprises from your mate, ( a bouquet of fresh roses, a box of chocolates or a gift certificate to the spa, your favorite classic movie, a new fishing rod, or that elegant watch you’ve had your eye on.) Christmas time is most likely a season of blissfulness as your “love tank” is not only full, but overflowing. 🙂
A homemade gift, right from the heart, showing time and creativity is a delightful way to demonstrate your love. How about renting a cottage in the country, stocking it up with your friends favorite wine, coffee, foods and music and giving it to them as a surprise ‘weekend away?’ Not only would they feel LOVED, but it would be a resplendent, wondrous respite!
What lady does not love “girly stuff?” My sister sent me the most adorable birthday box filled with different themes of pure enjoyment… nighttime luxuries; ( a new night gown, night cream accompanied by a beautiful hand towel to match,) along with a “feeling pretty” bag, filled with a variety of makeups, lotions, earrings, anti-wrinkle cream…(YEAH!), and serene melodic CD’s. Creativeness is a gift within itself!
For the special men in your life who own this language, there is nothing like making their favorite cake to bless their palates, buying a manly scented candle for their study or anything that is thoughtful and shows you know what their interests are as well as care about them.
Some more ideas for the guys…support their passions, whether its a card that says “I hereby grant you a free weekend by yourself, to go camping, fishing, biking or mountain climbing.” Always encourage them to chase their dreams. How about giving them the gift of a new fishing rod or the latest bike on the market, with all the ‘bells and whistles.’ Not only will they feel loved but will be eminently touched by your thoughtfulness.
“THOSE WHO ARE HAPPIEST ARE THOSE WHO DO THE MOST FOR OTHERS.” ~ BOOKER T. WASHINGTON
The last, but certainly not least Love language; ACTS OF SERVICE
Acts of service is a lot like gift giving as a love language, except that it is usually the task we are doing for our loved one that makes them feel loved, not so much the gift of our benevolence. If you possess this love language as your way of showing your love, you most likely are a person that is always offering to do the jobs that no one else wants to do, (or won’t admit it, but they are unable to do.) 🙂 Fixing the kitchen sink for your wife, mowing the lawn for your husband, running errands for your friends, helping your friends move on your day off, spending the day cleaning the house and preparing a five star meal for your husbands boss and his wife, taking the dog out for a walk in the snow, writing letters for the elderly who no longer can write and you love reading stories to children in the pediatric ward. This is your way of demonstrating the love within your heart for others.
If you feel loved when someone does something nice for you, supports your causes and helps makes posters, sends out mail or hands out flyers, does your Christmas baking for you as you are not one who enjoys getting messy, 🙂 cleans your home for free, fixes your roof, free of charge, washes and waxes your car, and always goes the ‘extra mile” for you in making sure your needs are taken care of…Acts of service is absolutely your love language in the way you receive love.
What spouse would not feel loved when upon arriving home, beholds a beautifully set tableaux and a gourmet meal fit for a king awaiting … (especially if their boss and his wife are coming over for dinner? ) 🙂 Your hard work will be remembered for a long time! 🙂 (And your spouse will feel loved. )
During the holidays, we usually see all the moms slaving away in the kitchen, baking sugar cookies for her children’s class of 30, rum balls for the neighbors, Toll house bars for friends, and fresh pies for her family. What a perfect gift, an awesome “act of service” for the kids to help her with the Christmas baking… (Hey dads, you could be their cheerleader.) 🙂
Dress up your kitchen table with an abundance of kaleidoscopic, joyous colors, brew a pot of coffee or tea, bring out some freshly baked scones or banana bread and ask a friend or neighbor over for the morning. It will make their day!
This idea is probably the number one thought that runs through our minds when we think of acts of service…..very simple, easy and yet so deeply appreciated. (Especially in the cold wintry months.) 🙂 I can never say ‘thank you’ enough to Kit when he takes our trash out…no matter the season! 🙂
Another popular act of service, mowing the lawn for your mate. Our lawn takes 2 hours on a riding mower so whether Kit does it for me one weekend, (to give me two extra free hours,) or I do it for him…it truly is a big blessing!
Walking the dog, at twilight or the crack of dawn, during the cold and brisk winter months, is one of the most wonderful gifts of service you could possibly give…not only to your mate, but your dog too! 🙂 (I was not kidding when I said Graham embodies all five love languages in both his giving and receiving love..he is a love machine! 🙂
There are not enough words to say “thank you” to a man who knows how to fix “just about anything,” around the house… The plumbing, hang Christmas lights, fix a broken dryer, unclog the kitchen sink, service your car, fix your computer when it is acting crazy, and what would we do without our guys on moving day? 🙂 If this is the love language he demonstrates his love with, be sure to acknowledge just how very much he loves you!
Now that you know the five languages of love, take the time to figure out your language, or languages. Some of you will have just one, others, possibly all five.You may show love with one language and receive love with another…
Once this is done, ask your friends which love language they possess , or in knowing them as well as you do, look to your intuition as to which Love language they embody.
As you begin showing your love to those in your life that are important to you with their love language, (the way they RECEIVE love,) you will see what a wonderful difference it makes in the relationship. For instance, If your language is showing your love through giving a gift, but the recipients love language is “quality time,” mix the two together…take them their gift, but don’t leave in a hurry. Spend some time with them…
If your love language is words of affirmation and you have a friend who has never complimented you even once, try to understand that it is not personal…learn their love language and receive their love, the way they show it. You may want to share this book with them and tell them what your love language is...(hint, hint.) 🙂 Its not easy at first… but I found this book to not only be life changing, (for the better) but exceedingly insightful and lots of fun. My relationships have only improved and are richer and fuller, thus bringing more joy, beauty and felicity for living the life I have been given.
I hope you enjoy learning what your LOVE LANGUAGE IS as well as the language your loved ones embody.
*** I do highly recommend this book as I know the author shares this glorious subject more in depth. Its a great read as well as relationship – enhancer. 🙂 (The Five languages of Love, by Gary Chapman. )
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